Wondering why i am not online so often?
Wondering why i am down?
Wondering why i fucking emo?
Wondering anything else?

Here's your answers.
My grandfather brother, has just passed away. Why am I so sad about this?
He is the only fucking person who will shield me everytime ok?
HE'S THE ONE WHO DOTES ON ME WHEN I WAS YOUNG.
HE WAS THE ONE WHO BUYS EVERYTHING I WANTS.

Melvin. I shall give you your answer why i did not go to work on Friday. Truth is, i did not overslept, in fact, i did not even sleep. I was at the wake of my "Bei Gong". Yes, burning incense paper thru the night, keeping stray cats away. Don't you fucking tell Auntie Jillian about this. I don't want her to know.

Now, here's your second answer.
My mum fainted on the news of my "Bei Gong"s death and was admitted to the hospital.
I AM JUST A FUCKING 16 YEARS OLD. YOU EXPECT ME TO TAKE BLOWS AFTER BLOWS?
I am tired.
I want to die.
I can't sleep at nights.
I had been wondering..
Who actually cared..
Even if i tell anyone..
What can they do..
Can they reverse all this tragic?
Bring back my beloved "Bei Gong"?
I don't need condolences.
They are fucking useless.
Just mere words which don't weigh a feather.

Finally, Mum's gonna be discharged tomorrow.
It's also the last day of the wake.
I finally got time to breathe and type this now.
But my mind is still in a mess..
There are too much things..

Nobody fucking cared.
Maybe a few.
Who actually sms-ed me so much of lovely words.
Thank you two.
A boy and two girls.
Well, you somehow kept away my sorrows for few minutes.
But that's enough.
I am contented.

Now you guys got my answers.
I don't want any sympathy tags.
Don't fucking give me them.
Don't fucking console me anymore.
Cos' everything has turned and all has became anger.
Yes, anger.
I don't know what to do. .
Even after repeated scoldings by me.
Vulgarities flying like nobody's business.
You 3 continued sms-ing me lovely messages.
Yeah, now i feel lethargic.
But who do I have now.
Nobody wants me already.

I am just a loner.
And i guess i will be one.
Shall i stop playing games from now on?
Even couple-ing someone in Audition invites problem.
It's just audition..
Why have it to be so complicated?
I don't know.
I fucking don't know.

Maybe a penknife would help.
Cutting myself in the nights.
Physical hurting to replace emotional hurt and stress.
Yes..
I am wearing a mask everytime.
Talking to you guys.
Smiling like a retard.
Deep down crying.
And nobody knows.

I shall end here.
Sorry for the long post.
Enjoy reading.
AND I DON'T FUCKING WANT SYMPATHY TAGS
OR U WILL GET FUCKING HELL FROM ME FAGGOTS _I_